Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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