were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize