dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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