she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
