that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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