wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we're making bets on your personal life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
