well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
