Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
