I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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