my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
