its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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