laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
