Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
