My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
