My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
