hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
