I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
