did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
