I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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