Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
