i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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