the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
