All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
