i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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