I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
