if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
