this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
