They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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