if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
