i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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