Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
