The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize