then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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