I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
