you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
