You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
