Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
