i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
