He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
