I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
