Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
