i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His nipple licking is glorious
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