Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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