Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
