Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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