This is not my ceiling
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She announced her abortion via fbk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
