the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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