My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
