that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
