You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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