Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
honey bunches of taint.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
