This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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