omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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