Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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