The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
