It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
