i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
