somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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