i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
