i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
