me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
