i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
