oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
