sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
