the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
4 words: hood of his car
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
