I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
