ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize