4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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