and you said cock pushups were impossible
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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