a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
