Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
