i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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