I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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