I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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