so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
