She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
