Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
